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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Week of November 1 2009: More on Compassion Fatigue

I've been thinking about this concept of "compassion fatigue" since I first learned of it being recognized as a condition or affliction that people who take care of the sick experience.  It's been a difficult discussion to have with myself, trying to understand what it means - what it really means.

I do think that it's a kind and gentle way of refering to what happens when you devote your life to taking care of others or another.  Caring for your elderly parent or parents, caring for patients as a health care provider, caring for a sick spouse or partner.  You life becomes consumed with the needs of another and eventually, there is no time to care for your own wants and needs.  It's also used in reference to community based or global events - like after September 11 or with regard to the poverty stricken children of our planet.  You become "burned out" or desensitized and this phenomenon is being referred to as "compassion fatigue."

Okay, so, I don't agree.  I think it's wrong to call it compassion fatigue.  It bothered me when I first heard it and it bothers me today.  While caring for another in those situations mentioned above is very much an act of compassion, it's not compassion which becomes fatigued.  Compassion does not ask that we tend to the needs of others at our own expense.  Compassion does not ask that we neglect our own needs and wants.  Compassion does not ask that we forgo what is important to us or take on the responsibilities of another if that's not what we wish to do. 

I take care of a sick and disabled partner and I experience the burn out.  It's not my compassion that gets burned out, it's my resentment of having to live a life I never signed on for.  She was not sick when we made our commitment to one another.  She was young, full of life, and independent.  Today, she is none of those and it is taxing to be the hope for two people, the life for two people, the one who has to do what she can't and what I need to do for us both.

My desire to alleviate her suffering is immense.  It is unchanged.  It is huge and powerful.  But it cannot fix her or make her better.  It cannot take away the pain in her body and the pain in her spirit.  But that doesn't stop me from trying, in my own way, to accomplish it.

It is not compassion fatigue but care giver fatigue that I experience.  What becomes fatigued is my energy, my
willingness, my hope, my drive, my pep, my joy of life.  But never my compassion.  I may waiver in my ability to extend that compassion but its not because my compassion has become fatigued.  It's because my compassion has been overshadowed by my resentment at the life we are living.  It is pushed to the background by my anger at having to do everything.  It is buried by my frustration that I know better and she won't listen to my prudent advice. 

My compassion is a gentle, sensitive part of me that is skiddish and scared.  So the more assertive emotions can push it around, demand it to shut up.  But the one thing my compassion always has the courage to do is to wait for the opportunity to shine.

I have never felt compassion and become drained.  I have never extended compassion and been depleted.  Compassion is ever-renewing energy.  The more compassion you extend, the more fueled with energy you are.  It does not get depleted.  Compassion is its own generator and carries you forward in this journey. 

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Paranormal Investigations - Part 1

I've been thinking a lot lately about the paranormal.  There are a lot of shows cropping up and it seems like each one gets more outrageous than the previous one.  I watched a couple of episodes of a new show called "Extreme Paranormal" or something like that.  Then there's Ghost Lab - that's a new one too.

Extreme Paranormal is the most horrifying to date.  They actually perform rituals and the like to prod at the spirit world.  They will replicate traumatic fatal events so prompt spirit activity.  They are really really aggressive in their attempt to contact the departed.

Now, my attitude is to each his/her own.  They are living the life they feel compelled to live, who am I to judge. These new shows have sparked some conversations with my partner that have served to further define my spiritual beliefs which I enjoy.  I am realizing that I have formed certain conclusions based on my own personal experiences in conjunction with what I see happening in these shows so I thought I'd start a discussion about my theories, conclusions and conjecture.

My partner asked the other night why some spirits seem to have the ability to manifest more fully (as though they were in human form) while others are present but cannot seem to manifest.  And in between those two extreme examples, lies a spectrum of degrees of manifestation.

I found myself responding with a theory that I think makes the most sense.  I've heard repeatedly during these paranormal shows that investigators belief that spirits use energy from electronic sources as a means to manifest.  They draw energy from batteries in cameras or recorders to make a sound, or show themselves to some degree.  While this may be true, I think there is more to the story.

Just as in life, spirits possess emotions.  In fact, I believe that the source of our emotions lies in our spirit form.  I'm not aware of any scientific evidence that can pinpoint a biological function that creates emotions.  Our chemistry and biological functions are influence and impacted by our emotions, but the source remains a mystery.  I believe the source lies within our spirit.  This is why spirits can be angry or happy. 

In life, emotion fuels us, charges us, gives us energy or adrenaline.  The more intense our emotions, the more energy we experience.  Like when you are in love and can forgo sleep to spend time with your beloved.  Or when you're angry and feel like you can rip phone books with your bare hands.  Or when you're terrified and worried and can lift a car with your bare hands because someone you love is trapped inside after an accident.  Emotions give us power and energy.

I believe that since our emotions reside in our spirit, the spirit continues to experience emotions once they are relieved of the shell that contained them.  An angry spirit can throw books across the room, or create loud sounds and slam doors.  A spirit that is charged with emotion can manifest itself - whether that emotional state be negative (as in anger) or positive (as in love).

I also think a contributing factor is the level of skill a spirit possesses.  I don't think every spirit is alike and an obvious distinction is whether they are a "good" spirit or an "evil" spirit.  But I think there are varying degrees of skill and ability.....but that's a discussion for Part 2!

Newpreneur of the Year - Forward Mobility Needs Your Votes!

Newpreneur of the Year is a contest sponsored by Alibaba.com, in partnership with Inc. Magazine. What is a "Newpreneur"? According to Alibaba.com, a Newpreneur is, "A new breed of entrepreneurs who are using the recession as a catalyst to start a business or develop an idea. Using an innovative approach, they seize each opportunity with passion and ambition. By relying on emerging technologies, trusted resources and successful mentors, they take their business to the next level."

Why is this important to me? Because Forward Mobility is a company that distributes medical mobility products manufactured by a plant in Vietnam. This is where the story gets interesting ....Kids First Enterprise is a non profit organization that manufactures wheelchairs and other mobility products for Forward Mobility. They are on a mission to provide economic sustainability for the people Dong Ha Town while donating wheelchairs, organizing rehabilitation centers, and providing job training. Forward Mobility has been chosen from hundreds of applicants to advance to the finals. Now it's up to the voting public to narrow down the list of semifinalists.

Please VOTE NOW - You can vote once per day until November 6th so please support this company with a compassionate mission!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Gates and Opportunities

Ralph Waldo Emerson said,

"We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities."

There are so many different ways to look at the human experience, on a spectrum from positive to negative and what shapes us as individuals is our experience and perspective - unique to each of us.  We may share common experience but what distinguishes us is our perspective and integration of those experiences into our beliefs, philosophies and thinking patterns.


We all yearn for something more, something better, greater knowledge and stronger connections.  Setting about on our private chart, we plot the course we think best in attaining our goals.  But in the vast sea that is our future, there are many unknowns.


Today, I strive to open gates and take full advantage of opportunities.





Saturday, October 24, 2009

Week of October 25 2009: Are We Free or Imprisoned?

Albert Einstein said,

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

The conflict of humanity, I think, is in meeting our individual needs while maintaining a compassionate posture for the world around us.  If Albert Einstein was right, and I agree with him, then meeting our needs as an individual is a prison we live in unless we realize that our individual needs include the needs of all sentient beings. 

There is a social consciousness, a social responsibility, to reach out to those in parts of the world so remote, we know nothing of their culture.  But we rob their land of trees, fill their air with pollutants, infect the collective consciousness with negativity.  We do reach out with each thought that fills our mind, not only to those directly affected by our emanation, but out into the vast expanse of the universe. 

Einstein calls our understanding of separateness an optical delusion.  Einstein was far more intelligent than I so I take his words seriously.   But as with all things, I feel compelled to test out theories to determine for myself
whether or not they hold true for me. 

I first learned about the concept of collective consciousness when I was in my early twenties many moons ago.  While I hold spiritual convictions of divine wisdom and beliefs about what happens after death, it seems to me this notion of collective consciousness is religious neutral.  Scientists have sought to experiment with the power of the mind and have discovered, as Gregg Braden eloquently discusses in "The Spontaneous Healing of Belief" that human consciousness influences quantum energy and that "[t]he results of our beliefs surround us as our everyday experience." 

We have the power to influence the world we live in by freeing ourselves from the prison that our optical delusion has created by widening our circle of compassion.  In this way, as more and more of us accept that basic understanding, we impact the collective consciousness in a positive way and change the tides so to speak. 

I think this is what Nostradamus was referring to in his predictions for 2012.  He lets us know we have the power to change our destiny by changing our attitudes, our beliefs, our understandings of the universe and how we fit.  Our power is the power to gather our compassion and send it forth in great quantities so that it can reach those in need.  And in so doing, our individual needs are met.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Compassion of Kids First Enterprise

I learned about this organization called Kids First Enterprise a little while ago.  They are engaged in a marvelous humanitarian effort to help the disadvantaged people of Vietnam.  You see, after the war, landmines were left behind in places where people travel.  Many innocent Vietnamese people have lost their limbs and even their lives to these landmines.

Kids First Enterprise built a factory to help the people of Dong Ha Town in many ways.  First, they don't have to travel to get employment.  The factory is local so they don't face the risk of stepping on landmines.  Second, they employ many people with disabilities that have already fell victim to the landmines.  And, they are providing a means to sustain such programs as career training and rehabilitation. They also donate wheelchairs to children and adults who have never before had the opportunity to attain mobility and independence through these devices.

Forward Mobility is a US company that is working in partnership with Kids First Enterprise to distribute the products manufacturer in the Vietnam factory across the US.  These are innovative mobility products that use cutting edge technology to help people retain their mobility and independence while recovering from surgery or injury.

What I love most about this story is that the compassion of a couple of people is making a difference to so many lives - people who never had advocates before and who would never be able to tell their story to the world are now being helped and given tools to improve their lives!  This is compassion at its finest.

Alibaba, in conjunction with Inc. Magazine, has selected Forward Mobility as finalists in its Newpreneur of the Year contest.  Read Forward Mobility's essay here

The finalist are chosen through the voting public.  Make your vote count!  I will post a link on Monday for the voting website.  Spread compassion around the globe with the click of a button!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Week of October 18, 2009: Is There a Message?

I was the least compassionate that I've been in such a long time today.  I guess you can say that I fell off the compassion bandwagon.  In "retaliation" for having been denied compassion (or so I thought), I lashed out in anger and exploded.

In the heated moment, I was certain that my position was the correct position.  I was ignored and so I got louder and louder until compassion fled the room.  I can safely say that I don't know how to be a kinder, gentler version of myself when I'm feeling that my needs are ignored.  There's still that voice in my head that says, "But Jackie, you were right."  I ask myself, "What does that matter?" 

Is it more important to me to be right than to be at peace?  Sometimes the answer is yes.  But at what cost?  There's always more questions that pop up once I think I have the answer.  Funny how that works.

Today, I want to do something different with my anger.  Perhaps, understand it a little better.  Befriend it.  Anger is useful and I don't view it as a negative because there are situations where it is healthy, appropriate, and can even save your life.  Getting angry is important when you feel that you have been unjustly wronged.  In fact, that was one of the topics of conversation I was attempting to have when my anger got the better of me this afternoon.

It seems kookie but I once read a book that emphasized talking to areas of your body that may be experiencing pain in an attempt to understand the message they carry that you are meant to understand.  I don't recall the book but it seemed like an extreme new agey kind of way to view the mind/body connection.  So, in my experimental nature, I took the concept and put it into practice to see what results I might yield.  Oddly enough, there was merit to this concept.  If I am ignoring my aching feet and pressing forward to get things done, the ache in my feet will continue and progress so that eventually, I won't have a choice but to sit down and rest.  Perhaps my feet, when they began aching, were trying to let me know it was time to sit and take a break.  By ignoring them, and forcing them to comply, they got louder and louder until I could not ignore them any longer. 

I wonder if the same does not apply to your emotions.  My anger seems to be getting more and more explosive.  Am I ignoring a message my anger is trying to communicate?  I'll have to test out my theory and see if it applies because it's necessary to control the rage that is residing with me at the moment.  Will I inflict physical harm in a rage, no.  I don't think I'm capable of inflicting physical harm.  But worse still in my mind is the emotional harm I am inflicting. 

If there is a lesson to learn, a message my anger is carrying for me to know then I must stop ignoring it.  Because like I did this afternoon, it will continue to get louder until I don't have a choice but to stop and listen. 

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Making the Moment Count

Yesterday, I watched someone who has been experiencing some "down" time take the day into her hands and make the moment count. She picked herself up, pushed herself out the door, and seized the day.

She got a lot accomplished. More in a couple of hours than she had in the entire month.

That's inspiration!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Getting A Little Distracted

So, as any good blogger might do, I'm trying to find ways to get the word out about this blog. Although we may all like to hear ourselves talk, the point to my contagion is to recruit as many people as I can to spread compassion and I can't do that very well without other people seeing the website and this blog.

So, I found a site called E-How. The nifty widget is on the sidebar.

I thought it would be a good way to promote the blog and get the word out and it is. But what I'm finding is that it's a website designed to earn income for the article writers (myself included) and most people don't really read these articles. They comment on them but don't really read it. Getting comments and recommendations increases the income potential. So there's this "you scratch my back I'll scratch yours" attitude.

I made .09 cents in one day. So, I can't quit my day job just yet but it's fun. I have 117 "friends" and 15 recommendations so far. 6 of my 8 articles have 5 * ratings. I don't know that it means all that much but I did try to make each article interesting and some of them humorous.

Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

News from Around the Globe!

I tend to forget that I get the best news from The Onion Weekly.  They have comprehensive coverage from around the globe and you don't get that depressed feeling that the world is coming to an end any minute after you've caught up with the latest on their website.

Here's an example:


Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

Monday, October 12, 2009

How to Practice Positive Thinking | eHow.com

How to Practice Positive Thinking | eHow.com

Shared via AddThis

How to Deal With Ghosts | eHow.com

How to Deal With Ghosts | eHow.com

Shared via AddThis

The Single Most Powerful Force

I think that the single most powerful force of human existence is belief.

Belief can compel action, it can fuel emotion, it can instill fear and elicit joy.  Belief spans across cultures, and gives commonality to enemies.  Belief divides friendships and conquers entire nations.

Love is pale in comparison.  Although love is powerful as well, and can compel action or fuel emotion, it is not nearly as potent as belief.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Week of October 11, 2009: The Survival of Mankind

I read a book several years ago called, "The Mountain People" by archeologist Colin M. "Ik"  It was required reading for a course I was taking but it turned out to be one of the most interesting books I would ever read, and one that altered my perspective.

The Ik were relocated by the Kenyan government, who seized their land, decades ago to an area that was subject to extreme conditions of drought.  This relocation permanently altered the culture of this tribe in an extreme way. 

Over time, due to the deprivation of life's necessities, their culture suffered the loss of life's luxuries - including those that Western civilization would consider essential to human existence.  The Ik people had a very short life span and by the age of 30, you were considered an elder.  Children were cast out at the age of 2 to fend for themselves and formed groups to increase their odds of survival. 

What Mr. Turnbull discovered in the Ik was that perhaps love is a luxury that we can afford, even in the poorest of areas.  But when one's very survival is at stake, love becomes a luxury that people cannot afford.  The Ik had no room for compassion, kindness, affection, companionship.  They lived a harsh life where their time was devoted to their basic needs - water, food, shelter.  That's it.

He gave examples of how this played out in Ik society.  Many stick out vividly in my mind although its been about 15 years since I read the book.  But the one story that really made its imprint is a story about a group of young boys who were throwing rocks at an "elder" who had fallen and hurt herself.  As she lay there, unable to get up, they taunted her, they harmed her, they ridiculed her. 

Mr. Turnbull understood that his role was as an observer and that he should not interfere with their society, but felt compelled to assist this woman.  He could not stand idly by while she lay there helpless and coming to further harm by this band of young boys.  So he shooed them away and helped her up.

The woman turned to him and said she wished he had not done so.  With tears in her eyes, she said his assistance reminded her of the "old days" when her people were not like this and that its caused her great pain. 

I heard on the Writer's Almanac last Thursday the following quote from Phillip Booth:

"I think survival is at stake for all of us all the time. … Every poem, every work of art, everything that is well done, well made, well said, generously given, adds to our chances of survival."

In the Ik society, it seems, their art is the art of finding water in a drought stricken land; their poetry is the poetry of the hunt; and the only thing well done is to live another day.  That which is done in generosity is contrary to their survival because it illustrates the lack of community in their lives.

For a woman who is intent on spreading a contagion of compassion, this makes me think. Perhaps there are those better off without the compassion of others.  Perhaps compassion is not kindness when extended to those who do not wish it.  Perhaps compassion is a luxury I can afford since my I live in a society that values such attributes. 

Who am I to ask that others reach out to extend themselves to strangers that might not appreciate their gestures? 

Last winter, the renters in the apartment downstairs from us were such people.  During a snowstorm, we had just had the driveway plowed and were situating the cars when they pulled in behind me.  He got out screaming obscenities and demanding that I move my car right that second.  Confused, we tried to figure out why they were responding with such anger.  Turns out, during such a terrible snow storm, they had gotten a flat and struggled to get the car home.  We offered our assistance repeatedly but they did not want it.  They simply expected to pull into the driveway and change out the flat - aggravated at the fact that it had happened.  We were in their way literally, and figuratively.  They wanted none of what we offered.

They moved out a few months later and the thick air was finally lifted.  They were angry people and no amount of compassion could soothe them. 

That's bound to happen from time to time but when someone is in need of compassion and experiences the full measure of gratitude that you reached out to say, "what can I do?" it gives you a sense of completeness.  You know that you have done good work and that your life has meaning.  And that happens far more often.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Compassion Soup

I was running an errand today as I do every Thursday.  And on my Thursday morning errand, I take my dogs.  At my destination, I usually take the dogs out on the grass that lies in front of the store.

I encountered a woman today who was in need of compassion.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Compassion at its Finest

I was cleaning out my email folders and found an email that was sent to me a while back.  Someone who knew James posted a comment remembering him on the two year anniversary of his crossing so I contacted him.  I asked him to tell me what he remembers about James.

The following is his reply:

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

New Toys

I added a couple of new widgets to the blog.  It's all so overwhelming when you're looking at things to add.  There's so much out there.

I'm excited about the Skribit widget because it gives readers a chance to suggest topics for discussion.  Let me know what you'd like for me to discuss.  I'm open to your comments and suggestions!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Compassion Fatigue?

I watched an interesting documentary last night.  I walked in on the program already in progress so I'm not sure what it was called.  I'll try to find out but what interested me is the story of this guy who suffers from memory loss.  He had no head trauma or anything that might have caused this to occur but about 20 years ago, he was afflicted.

Now, he has no recollection beyond the immediate moment.  In fact, often in the middle of a conversation or response to an inquiry, he will forget the discussion was even transpiring.  He said he has no thoughts, no dreams, nothing in his mind.

The amazing thing is that he does recall his wife, who has stood by him all these years.  When she leaves the room, if even for a moment, he greets her as though he has not seen her in years.  He jumps up out of his chair with utter excitement and embraces her as though she had been gone for weeks. 

I just came across this phenomenon known as Compassion Fatigue while doing some research on the internet.  Compassion Fatigue apparently afflicts caregivers who experience burn-out from tending to the needs of a loved one on a regular basis. 

From Wikipedia:

"Compassion fatigue, also known as a Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a term that refers to a gradual lessening of compassion over time. It is common among victims of trauma and individuals that work directly with victims of trauma. It was first diagnosed in nurses in the 1950s. Sufferers can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self doubt."

For the record, I do not promote compassion above taking care of oneself.  Compassion must be balanced with self care and self nurturing.  It is not rational nor is it healthy to diminish the importance of your own needs to tend to the needs of another.

Week of October 4, 2009: Mystical Compassion

There is a surgance of paranormal shows popping up these days on television.  We seem to have a fascination with the spirit world and these shows tend to focus on the scientific evidence, the proof of hauntings and ghost activity.  As any "good" television show should, they focus on the shock value of visual and auditory evidence that ghosts exist.  The proof factor.

I may offend many an atheist or agnostic, but I can only discuss my core beliefs and my spiritual understanding.  I know to be true that when we "die" our spirit lives.  Our energy does not die.  It is freed of the shell it occupies, which deteriorates without it.  My conclusion is based on evidence both captured by my senses and understood on an intuitive level.  I respect the beliefs of others who may not agree, but my mind will not be changed.

On the Contagion of Compassion Blog this past week, I wrote about my experiences after my son's death.  I experienced his presence in many ways, most profoundly being the sensation of his energy in the room. 

When James was a little boy, him and I were walking down the street one day, talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company.  He spotted a penny on the ground and took a closer look.  He saw that the penny was laying on the ground with the "tail" side facing up and said that it was only good luck if you found a penny with the "heads" side facing up.  I said, "James, any time you find money on the ground it's good luck!"  He stopped, looked upward as if to suggest he was thinking about what I had just said, and replied, "Oh, yeah!  That's true!"  He promptly bent down and picked up the penny.

That conversation would have much deeper meaning for me immediately after he died.  I had left the funeral parlor in search of a particular issue of a particular magazine which featured James on the cover.  It turns out that magazine was a computer generated gift to honor James' musical ability but at the time, I was intent on finding it.  So I went store to store trying desperately to find it.  I arrived at one particular store and was stopped in my tracks by a display of dozens of pennies right outside the door on the sidewalk.  I could not
believe my eyes, there were so many pennies just laying there on the ground. 

Since that day, there have been many a time when I called out to James, letting him know that I miss him terribly and that this planet is a lonelier place without him.  He has answered my call with pennies on the ground.  Letting me know he's still available, still nearby, still caring about his mom.

My connection with James has helped my understanding of the spirit realm evolve.  I no longer fear this unknown.  I am curious and eager to better understand its nature.  One thing I am certain of is that when delving into the paranormal, caution is highly recommended.  I cringe at the irresponsibility and cavallier attitude of many of those who televise their ghostly investigations.  Spirits are not toys at our disposal to play with on whim and discard when unwanted. 

Over the weeks since I started this Contagion of Compassion, I have felt an enormous sense of something larger than my existence.  I call this feeling Mystical Compassion.  Mystical Compassion is increasing your spiritual awareness through the practice of more compassionate behaviors.  I've discussed before whether compassion is necessarily dependent on spirituality.  It's not.  But in my practice of compassion, I have a renewed sense of commitment to my spirituality.  I find myself engaged in discussions about the spirit world and articulating theories I am only newly discovering - such as the transition period after death (see What Lies Beyond?). 

This journey for me has been fascinating and welcomed with open arms.  I am honored to take you with me - to travel together on this quest for understanding and compassion.

Friday, October 2, 2009

What Lies Beyond

I had a conversation with someone who is extremely spiritual this morning.  She has an advanced psychic ability which I have seen with my own eyes, experienced with my own senses and witnessed many times.

She is a medium of great skill and versed in the language of the spirit world.

We were discussing the phenomenon, from the perspective of the person who has crossed over, of the residual energy that loved ones experience after their death.  Why is it in the first year or so after your loved one dies that you feel their presence and know when they are around?  Why is it that over time, that dissipates and you may know that their spirit is near, but you don't feel it in the same way that you did when they first left this plane?

I have a theory

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Announcing the Contagion of Compassion Cafe!

I just added a new feature to the Contagion of Compassion website called the Contagion of Compassion Cafe!  You can peruse your favorite MP3s and look through books available for purchase through Amazon.com.

I'm excited about this new feature and hope you'll check it out!