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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

You Say Tomato

I read on Climb, Reach, Achieve Patrice's blog entry:  "What does it mean to be poor?"


She says, "We would think and say well, being poor is having no money, being hungry, being naked and homeless. Yes, that's one aspect but in actuality, being poor is much deeper than that. It is being unwanted, uncared for, unloved. See, poverty not only describes ones financial situation but one's situation as a whole. It is everyone's problem. It transcends every line you can think of; age, race, religion, geography. It doesn't care whether you are black, white, rich, middle-class...
Next time, before being quick to use the word "poor" to describe a financial state or situation, think about what being poor really is.  So care a little more, love a little more and share the wealth!"

I don't know that I agree.  

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Your Voice Mail Box is Full

I've touched upon this before, the idea that you cannot give compassion to others if you do not first extend compassion to yourself.  I want to reach deeper into that concept and explore it further.

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend about self-loathing.  It's not something we are born with.  It's not a natural state of being or gene that is embedded in our DNA.  It's not a desired emotional response to the thought of who we are and our purpose here in this life.

We all have things about ourselves that we'd like to change.  Perhaps to shed a couple of pounds or to get rid of those pesky gray hairs.  Botox gets rid of the wrinkles, collagen plumps up the lips, a nip here, a tuck there and we're back to our youthful look.

Maybe we're not as assertive as we want to be, or worry too much, or don't laugh as much as we think we should.

Is that self-loathing to want to change one's appearance by surgical intervention?  Not necessarily.

Self-loathing is much stronger than the mere dissatisfaction with one's appearance or alter one's emotional state.  Self-loathing is the destructive force that causes us to inflict our bodies and our minds with scars.  It's within the person who has had so much plastic surgery that their face is no longer their own.  It's within the person who is so riddled with stress that disease has infested their body.  Self-loathing is within the person who has an eating disorder because their self image is distorted when looking in the mirror.  Self-loathing is within the person who grasps onto anger and gives disease the fodder it needs to breed internally.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Week of September 27: What is Your Purpose?

What is life without meaning, without direction, without purpose?  Purpose gives us the desire to press onward, no matter how challenging life can be.

We overcome circumstances, situations, problems, and hardships when we feel we have purpose.  We become larger than our problems.  I’ve seen people survive events that should have ended their time here in this life and say, “It wasn’t my time.  I have more to do here.  I’m here for a purpose.”

Part of my purpose I think is to reach however many people I can to talk about compassion.  I think I am a catalyst to spark the desire to live in a more compassionate world in as many people as I can.  Out of my tragedy and to honor my son James, I have committed myself to this cause.

The interesting part of life is that we never know the effect we may have on others.  While I speak of compassion, maybe my words have different meaning for someone who needs to hear a message of hope.  Maybe what I say in my explorations and on my blog have an impact that is unforeseen.  In the legal arena, we call that unintended consequences of an intentional act.

What's more important?

What's more important?

When you're in a relationship, often times your emotions, wants or needs conflict with your partner's.  Their personality may conflict with your (i.e. you may be assertive while they are more passive) and someone's feelings get slighted in the process.

We know about compromise but it's never that easy to put into practice.  If I compromise my position, will I always end up being the one to compromise?  Will I always have to put the needs, wants and emotions of another before my own?  Am I being selfish to talk about my own needs, wants and emotions?  Am I forgetting about compassion if I do?

Friday, September 25, 2009

A Driver's Manual for a Healthy Relationship

I just completed my latest E-Book: A Driver's Manual for a Healthy Relationship (and therefore, a Happy Life)!

I'm excited about this since I've been working on it for a while. I've mixed humor and guidelines to present an interesting manual of rules of a relationship road. A labor of purpose you might say.

Here's an excerpt:

Thursday, September 24, 2009

What's Different Today?

I've been on this Contagion of Compassion quest for a couple of weeks now and I must say, it's been challenging. I knew that taking on this endeavor would be time consuming and that I would have to devote a substantial amount of energy into getting it out there on the net.

What I didn't realize is how much it would change my life by changing my perspective. I'm a great fan of changing one's perspective - learning new things, growing. I'm sure you can see that from my messages.

What's different today is that I woke up feeling a sense of peace I haven't felt in quite some years. I never realized how much stress I woke up with before I woke up without it today.

My circumstances haven't changed much. I'm still in the same position I was yesterday. I have contention in my relationship. Contention with the bill collectors. Contention with immediate family members with whom I never really have seen eye-to-eye. But my internal contention has been alleviated in some measurable way.

That contention does not dictate that I retaliate, that I compromise my goal of achieving a compassionate life, that I grasp onto anger or bitterness.

That contention, and contention in its many forms, presents the opportunity for self knowledge and evolution of the Spirit.

It's still with me, that sense of peace. I've been making a concerted effort to practice what I preach - be more compassionate when and where I can. Send forth into the universal energy my prayers for the well being of mankind. Corny as it sounds, it's true that your thoughts radiate outward. And inwardly, I'm reaping the rewards with a sense of peace.

It gives me a renewed sense of purpose.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Just Another Wednesday

I found this interesting article on ArticleStreet.com called, "Overcoming Rejection by Cultivating High Self-Compassion."

I hope I'm not engaging in a faux paus here in terms of adding an article written by someone else to my blog.  I'm new to this so I'm just familiarizing myself with the rules.  Invariably, after I've taken the action I desire, I find out there was some procedure that I neglected to follow.

But isn't that the beauty of life?  Making mistakes and learning from them.  I love that part of life where you get to laugh at yourself and say, "oops!"  People often fear mistakes, or get angry over mistakes (either their own or the mistakes of loved ones).  I say, "SO WHAT?"  So what if you knew better and did it anyway?  So what if you took a chance and it didn't pan out?  So what?

Words have the meaning we associate with them.  Words are emotionally charged.  I find mistakes invigorating, challenging, even joyous (opinion - not judgment).  Others find mistakes wrong and bad and not to be made (judgment - not opinion).

I challenge you to enjoy your mistakes.  Learn from them.  Grow from them.  Befriend them.  You are human and you cannot help but make them.  What you might discover is a new purpose for your life.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Opinion or Judgment?

I had an interesting discussion with several people recently. Most people I've talked to about this seem to think that we all are judgmental beings. We all have judgments about things, people, places. We cannot escape our own human nature.

Well, I disagree.

My friend laughed yesterday and said, "You cannot make up your own definition." So I inquired, why not? Why can't I? She responded, "because no one else will understand your meaning."

Monday, September 21, 2009

Through the compassion of others......

I had a rough start to my day today. Things were not going as planned and I my stress level was increasing by the minute. Staying focused on compassion is not an easy task but I managed to maintain my composure and to my surprise, my desired results were accomplished.

Did you ever get that fleeting thought in your mind that lasts for maybe a milli-second and that you almost don't hear? That flash of something clear, not vague, but it's so quick that you aren't even sure it was a thought in your mind to begin with?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Week of September 20, 2009: How Much Is Enough?

How much of a commitment does living a compassionate life require?

Am I supposed to concentrate each minute of each day on how I can be more compassionate? Am I supposed to dedicate my life to expressing compassion in every way I can? How much time and energy am I supposed to spend on being compassionate?
Well, unlike the Tibetan nun in the Himalayas, most of us do not have the desire to spend our lives in solitary retreat, praying for the well being of humanity during each waking moment. We have lives to live. We have other interests. We have work, family, obligations to fulfill. Does that make us less than the ideal when it comes to being compassionate?


Friday, September 18, 2009

Reflection

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Frederick Douglass

Where can I find compassion?

Compassion is everywhere. Look around. It's in the gesture of friends, the eyes of your loved ones, the smile of a stranger, the wag of your dog's tail, the scent of blooming flowers, the sound of crashing waves at the ocean's shore. Compassion is everywhere.

Each day, we can choose to see compassion in the world around us or we can choose to ignore it, discard it.

The eyes we look through determine our experience.

So when you are feeling as though there is no compassion is your life, open your eyes and heart to it. Send it forth through your own actions and watch its reflection come back to you in all the mysterious, wonderful ways of universal abundance.  It will give your life purpose and meaning.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Old Challenge, New Answers....

So, I was faced with a situation today that caused me great stress. I was not able to extend compassion when I deeply wished to. My anger was obstructing the flow of compassion from my heart. Stressful dilemma.

So what to do? What does one do when anger (a very powerful emotion) takes charge when one wants to increase compassion in their lives?

My solution today, which worked for me, was to pray. I recited a prayer over and over and over until my anger was diffused and the situation became more relaxed. That's what I did today and it worked for me. In a more balanced state, I could easily tap into the compassion within and pull it out for all to see.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

In the Most Unlikely of Places

I sort of half-watched the VMAs yesterday and saw a moving display of compassion in the most unlikely of places - the celebrity scene. Mostly what is publicized is done so for the sensationalism of it all. But there before us, live before millions of people, Beyonce Knowles gave us all a source of inspiration for compassion.

If you haven't heard, and I'm sure most have, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift's moment by making a rude suggestion that she Beyonce should have won the award she was awarded. Here's where my half-watching comes into play. I don't really know what the award was for - best something or another. And I'm sure I could easily google it and get the answer using the "I'm feeling lucky" button. But the point here is that later on in the show, when Beyonce won for whatever category it was that she won for, with grace and compassion and love, she turned the spotlight to Taylor Swift. Beyonce gave her moment away to someone who was bruised by the thoughtlessness of another. Outstanding! Well done! What a classy lady!

And Kanye, well, he deserves a little compassion too. His mom died not too long ago and he's in a lot of pain. No excuse, but cause for compassion. Kanye, I extend to you my heartfelt sympathy. I understand your pain of losing someone so close to you, the finality of it, the ache to see them, hear them, hold them.

But to Beyonce, my respect and admiration. What a wonderful gesture. Thank you for your kindness.

Week of September 13, 2009: Am I Comfortable in My Skin?

One of my greatest conflicts is the idea of the interest of business vs. the interest of consumers. 
I’m a consumer advocate, no doubt.  I believe that business has a responsibility to the consumers who make that business thrive and its employees who devote their talent, energy and time to making the business succeed.   
I’m also a business owner who is not a very good salesperson according to the standards of most.  I don’t believe in pressuring the consumer to buy, or talking people into buying my products just to make money.  I believe strongly in what I sell and I believe that there are plenty of people who will benefit from it.  I don’t need to assert a sale.  Now, the purpose of this forum is not to push my business so I’m not going to mention my company’s name.  But it is a source of conflict for me—is there such a thing as being too kind, too fair?
Big business is starting to realize that the old way of doing business is outdated.  Treat your employees fairly, give them ample opportunity to have balance in their lives, and they will be extremely productive and loyal.  I like that.  And it’s being proven to be a prudent business model.
I can’t go against my values and ethics no matter what I’m doing.  I worked for a company that kept pushing the line and eventually, the squishy lines got blurred and I had to quit a pretty well paying job.  I just could not put my name behind a product that was less than safe for people and my boss was all too consumed by the numbers.  Sell!  Sell! Sell! 
The loss of that job has put me in a financial pinch.  Along with many others, I’m a statistic in the unemployment numbers.  But as difficult as this is, not being comfortable in my skin is a thousand million times worse. 
In order to be a more compassionate human being, one must be comfortable in one’s skin.  You cannot be in internal conflict and express the emotions which are borne of peace and balance.  But often, the decisions we must make to be comfortable in our skin are decisions that put us in difficult situations.  Being unemployed during this economic disaster is scary and hard.  But for me, it’s also opened up opportunities that I would not have had were it not for the current situation I’m in.  I would not have had the time and energy to focus on getting my contagion started.  I would not have made the commitment to putting up this website and getting my message out.  I would have thought about it, wanted to do it, but my time would have been consumed with other things that I had to do.
I’m grateful to the universal wisdom that knew better than I that quitting that job was the best decision for me to make. 
So for today I feel extremely comfortable in my skin.  I can talk to you about compassion with fiery passion and tell you how important it is that we hold compassion in great esteem as a crucial aspect of humanity. 
To reach out, even in some small way, to another in need of compassion is the seed that will grow the roots of change.  Don’t think any action is too insignificant.  Don’t be afraid of failure or rejection.  Take a chance that your act of kindness matters in the grand scheme of life because IT DOES! 

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Week of September 6, 2009: What About Nadya Suleman?

Learn how to embrace the compassion within you. Strive for the expression of compassion in your life. Give your compassion to those who need it the most– the people you least care to extend it to.

What about Octo-Mom? Does she deserve compassion? Most of us think, no. She has been vilified by our society for how her “poor” choices have adversely affected the lives of her innocent, new born and toddler children. Nadya Suleman most certainly does not deserve our compassion. So we give her our anger and our hatred instead.

How can those kids possibly have a good life? She is a single parent, with limited income, and all those kids to take care of. She can’t provide for them so society bears the burden. She can’t give them her attention so they each will have to learn to live with less attention than a child ought to have. They have no father in their lives so they will grow up with all the issues that kids tend to have when they don’t have their father as a loving, caring parent in their lives. What a terrible situation. So, we see her in the street, filling up her van with gas, and scream at her while her children are in the car, waiting for mommy. We tell her what we think of her because that’s what she deserves! We judge her and condemn her and ridicule her.

Are those not reasons to extend compassion? Most of us are fortunate that our mistakes go unnoticed by the public eye. We glide below the radar and don’t have to face the mass judgment of society. Most of us just screw up from time to time. Sometimes our mistakes are big and cost us or others a lot of money, or hurt our children, or cause damage. Sometimes, we make little mistakes that don’t really matter in the scheme of things or they are lessons we learn from and go about our path of evolution. We’re lucky that Bill O’Reilly or Larry King don’t really care much about our mistakes.

And sometimes, we do something that we feel strongly passionate about and other people think, “Wow, what a mistake.” But we are convinced our actions are just, we are devoted to our path, we have conviction. We may face resistance, we may face adverse consequences, but we are strong in our faith that we are doing what we must. Luckily, just not in the public eye.

Compassion, like most other positive expressions of love, is something we extend or withhold depending on how we perceive another’s worthiness. But those who we perceive to be least worthy are those who need our compassion the most. Even Nadya Suleman.

I don’t know why kind of life her children, all 14 of them, are apt to live. But I do know that she has gone on t.v., in front of millions of viewers, and declared that although she does not have much to offer in terms of the luxuries of life, she loves her children and has no short supply of that. I did note that Nadya’s mom had no outpouring of love and support for her daughter in her daughter’s time of need. Nadya’s mom, who had but one child she raised, could not muster up kindness and compassion because her judgment was more pressing.

Did she have a tummy tuck, why did she fire the free nannies, is she jealous of Kate Gosslin? These are the pressing questions that we need answers for. Fundamentally, I ask, “Does Octomom have a right to live her life?” We all do.

So, I dare you to extend compassion to someone in your life that you are sure does not deserve your compassion. I double dare you to ask how you can help relieve their suffering. I guarantee that you will gain far more than you will be asked to give in this exercise.

I’m going to do it too. I’ll let you know how it turns out.